THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
