I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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