She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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