So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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