I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
