you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
