At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
