either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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