Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
