I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
