Where is the hickey?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
