yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I look better un-naked...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
