my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
