how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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