I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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