I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
