apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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