birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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