considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
