guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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