I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
