I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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