so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
