You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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