We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
