where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
