My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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