True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
