I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
