worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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