She is in my trunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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