I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When are your genitals available?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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