You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
