I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
