it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
