Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
