lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
