You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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