I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
