i jhust puked up my retainher.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
