we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
