And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
