NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
