it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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