you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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