I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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