she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
