my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
