after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are we still banned from the library?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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