We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
