dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
