Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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