So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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