just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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