So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
