shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
