His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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