I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
