pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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