It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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