Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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