I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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