Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
