Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
