I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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