Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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