If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
