That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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