i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
