Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
