I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
