she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need moral support for this bender
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
