i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
