Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
