I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
