4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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