i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
