the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
