He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so let's talk penis.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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