the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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