I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Porn is love you can see.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
