I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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