My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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