drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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